tell your sister to shave her snatch
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
