I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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