i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
