you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Come share oat with me in your robe
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
