we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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