I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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