Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
