Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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