in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I will pee on everything he values.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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