I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am midnight drunk by noon
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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