She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
