My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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