Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
