You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
