I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
