no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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