my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
