were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
