1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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