Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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