I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
