guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
