happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
