so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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