I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
