So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
