I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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