Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
