she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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