So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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