U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
