Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
