there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you traded sex for a burrito?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
