also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
