I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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