I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
