My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize