Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize