a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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