we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
