Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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