so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
