He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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