Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
