My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Maybe he injected his testicle?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
