Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
