her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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