I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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