what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
