hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
