Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
