Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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