u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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