Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
