why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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