i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
