guys are not supposed to queef...right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
