So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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