roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
