May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
