I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
