I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
