Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
