remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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