So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
