Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
