my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
