Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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