Ambien. No doubt about it.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
