1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
