More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
