I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
