Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
