Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
is that a dick in a sweater?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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